What We've Learned from a Year of Running the 'Unstuck!' Programme

By Tabbin Almond and Anna Donaghey, co-founders of Unstuck!

A year ago, we opened the doors to Unstuck — a live, confidential coaching community for women who want to change their relationship with alcohol, for good. We didn't know exactly what we were creating. We had a framework, a philosophy we believed in, and hundreds of hours of coaching experience between us. What we didn't have was the proof.

We have it now.

After a full year of working closely with our members, watching them struggle and shift, slip and learn, and surprise themselves, we want to share what we've seen. Not as a sales pitch, but because the insights are genuinely useful, regardless of where you are on your journey.

It's almost never really about the alcohol

This is the thing most people get wrong - and the reason most approaches fail.

If you've tried to cut back or stop before, you'll probably recognise this pattern: you make a decision, you stick to it for a while, and then something happens, (a stressful week, a social event, a difficult emotion), and the resolve crumbles. You blame yourself, feel ashamed, and tell yourself you’ll try again next Monday.

The problem isn't your willpower. The problem is that willpower alone was never going to be enough, because alcohol isn't actually the root issue.

For most women, drinking is a coping behaviour. An emotional management tool. A way of dealing with the mental chatter that won't quiet down, the constant inner negotiation, the weight of a life that needs more support than it's getting. Alcohol is the symptom, not the cause.

Until you address what's underneath - the emotions you've been reaching for alcohol to manage, the habits of thought so well-worn they run on autopilot, the identity that's quietly built itself around drinking - you'll keep going round in circles. Not because you're weak, but because you're addressing the wrong thing.

The three roots of real change

When we look at what's actually driving a complicated relationship with alcohol, it almost always comes down to three things, working together:

Habits and beliefs. Our drinking behaviours are underpinned by thoughts, which are underpinned by beliefs. "I need a drink to relax." "I can't enjoy a social event without alcohol." "This is just who I am." These run so deep and so automatically that we rarely notice them. But once you can see them clearly, you can start to interrupt and challenge them at every level.

Identity. This is the one that catches most people off guard. How do you see yourself in relation to alcohol? Who are you at a dinner party, on a Friday night, in moments of celebration or stress, without it? Many of us don't know. And not knowing who we are without it is one of the most powerful forces keeping us stuck. The shift happens when you stop focusing on what you're giving up and start asking: who do I want to become?

Emotions. Alcohol works, in the short term, as an emotional regulator. It numbs, soothes, distracts. The problem is that it doesn't resolve anything — it just delays it. Understanding what you've been asking alcohol to do for you is the foundation for finding better tools. And there are better tools.

Commitment comes before confidence

One of the most liberating realisations from our first year: you don't need to feel ready to begin.

We see this all the time. Women who are waiting to feel confident enough, certain enough, prepared enough, before they make a move. But that's not how change works. Confidence is the result of taking action, not the precondition for it.

What you need to start isn't confidence. It's commitment. Commitment leads to courage. Courage leads to capability. Capability builds confidence. The women who make the most progress are the ones who show up to the coaching calls even when they don't feel ready — especially when they don't feel ready.

Why identity-based change is the engine

There's a crucial difference between two ways of approaching this:

"I'm trying to drink less."

"I'm becoming someone who doesn't need it."

The first keeps you in a constant battle with yourself. The second changes the whole frame. When the goal is to become a different person - one who has a healthy, free relationship with alcohol - the effort becomes about growth rather than deprivation. Loss becomes liberation.

This is what we watch happen inside Unstuck, again and again. A woman arrives identifying as "someone who drinks too much." Over time, as she builds self-awareness and new practices, she starts to see herself differently. And when your identity shifts, behaviour follows, not through grinding effort, but because it's simply who you are now.

The four things we see in every woman who makes lasting progress

After a year of watching closely, one pattern has become unmistakable. The women who make real, durable change aren't distinguished by their starting point — how long they've been struggling, how much they've been drinking, how many times they've tried before. They're distinguished by how they show up.

And the women making the most progress tend to do four things:

They engage with the content. They read, they watch, they listen — and often they revisit material more than once. This is where the conceptual shifts happen. Understanding why you do what you do is the foundation for being able to do something different.

They come to live coaching calls. Regularly, and often when they don't feel like it. Something different happens in a live session than in a recorded one. There's presence, real-time response, and the experience of being seen. That's what builds momentum.

They build real connections. Not just 'likes' on a post, but genuine relationships with other women who understand. Shared experience dissolves shame in a way that nothing else quite can. And knowing that others are watching you try, and cheering for you , raises your own accountability without any pressure.

They participate in the community. They answer other people's questions, share their wins (however small), and show up for others in difficult weeks. And in doing so, they reinforce their own identity as someone who is changing.

None of these are personality traits. They're choices. They're available to everyone.

Shame keeps you stuck. Self-compassion gets you out.

This took us by surprise in the early months, though in retrospect it shouldn't have: shame is not a motivator. It feels like one - it feels urgent and heavy and pressing. But shame keeps you small, keeps you secret, keeps you stuck in the horrible cycle of "I've blown it again."

The women who make the most progress are not the ones who never slip. They're the ones who stop treating a wobble as proof that they can't change, and start using it as information. What happened before? What were you feeling? What does this tell you about what you still need to learn?

That reframe (from failure to data) is one of the most powerful tools in the whole programme. And it's only possible when you've replaced shame with self-compassion. Not as a soft option, but as a genuinely more effective one.

This is a 12-month shift, not a 12-week fix

We want to be honest about timelines, because a lot of programmes aren't.

Real change in this area — the kind that becomes part of who you are, not just what you're currently doing — takes time. Not twelve weeks. Closer to twelve months. Not because progress is slow (you'll often notice it quickly), but because new habits need to become new identity before they're stable. And that process has its own pace.

This is why the Unstuck! programme is structured around a full year of membership. The first three months focus on building foundational understanding through our structured programme, an enhanced version of the This Naked Mind framework. After that, ongoing coaching, connection, and community support the journey as it deepens and evolves.

What members consistently tell us is that Unstuck is different from previous programmes they've tried precisely because of this. There's no point at which you finish the course and find yourself "left high and dry," as one member put it. The support continues as long as you need it.

What the community has built

We built the coaching. The members built something we didn't fully anticipate: a genuine sense of belonging.

One of our members described it as "an invisible but incredibly powerful arm around my shoulder." Another said it's one of the best things she's ever done for herself. What they're describing isn't just a programme - it's a space where honesty is normal, progress is celebrated at every level, and no one is judging anyone.

That matters, because so much of the struggle with alcohol happens in isolation and secrecy. When you bring it into the light, in a safe space with women who truly understand, something shifts. The shame loses its grip. And everything gets a little easier.

If any of this resonates

You came to this page for a reason. Maybe you've been going round in circles for a while. Maybe you've tried other approaches and found them wanting. Maybe you're just beginning to name what's been quietly bothering you.

Whatever brought you here: the insights above are yours to keep, regardless of what you do next.

And if you'd like to find out whether Unstuck! might be the right next step for you — we'd love to have a conversation. We speak to every potential member before they join, to make sure the programme is genuinely the right fit. There's no pressure. Just an honest chat.

👉 🔗  You can find out more and book a call here 🔗 👈